Read between the lines

I've been part of a bible study with other women for the last 5 or so years. I am inspired by the women in the group and learn so much from their walk with God. I find myself at times envying their dedication and focus and keep trying to get to a place with enough structure in my life that I am just as dedicated. I find that when I am doing the daily reading and reading the Bible that I am engaged and fulfilled in a way that I can't get any other way. But often I creep into my lazy habits and the last few weeks of the study I am barely keeping up. What is it in me that is so opposed to this structure?

I sat down the other day and made a list of all the books I've read in the past several years. It was a very eye opening experience because apparently I'm obsessed with habits. I've read quite a few books on the subject, and you would think that would translate into knowledge that would help me improve mine. But somehow I'm still stuck. I can see that my kids are falling into the same bad habits and truly want to help them avoid the rut I find myself at almost 52 years old. I know that what they see is what they emulate, so getting myself on track is paramount.

Lately I've found myself reading a lot of books about a variety of subjects that are outside the realm of religion. However when I am part of my Bible study conversations I seem to be relating much of what I'm learning outside of the Bible with what I'm learning as part of the study. So reading between the lines has been happening more and more as I learn about Emotional Intelligence and Anger Management and Atomic Habits. I think having a Biblical view of the world gives me the perfect lens to read these other books and get closer to an understanding that will make my habits stick.

Living a life that Christ has asked us to live means "loving God first and loving others as Jesus has loved us". If I have emotional intelligence, I am thinking of others and therefore "loving others". If I have my anger under my control and can love even when I have been wronged, I'm "loving others". If I take my Bible Study seriously and lean into my time with God and establish a relationship with Him, I'm "loving God first". Part of this relationship is prayer and I will have to pray for God to help me, but I believe I am on the right track.